Unidentified Grief

STCH Ministries Family Counseling exists to provide hope and direction for children, individuals and families. Our counselors walk hand and hand with people to help heal hearts with Christ at the center. Below is a story written by Leslee O’Neal, one of our counselors in Corpus Christi, about how unidentified grief can affect an individual.

         Too often grief is looked at as despair and sadness coming on after the loss of someone we know and love. This grief can be extremely painful and can bring about emotions and behaviors that one never expects; such as anger, confusion, loneliness and fear. Far too often, grief coming from other losses is never looked at or identified as grief. I had a client come in about 3 years ago, his name was Daniel, and he was 47 years old. Daniel first reported that he was coming in because he was experiencing anxiety and had several panic attacks; which seemed to come from nowhere. As he shared his story in our first session together, I asked Daniel if he was experiencing any grief – he stated that his father died from a heart attack when Daniel was only 16, and his mother died 9 years later from complications related to cancer. Daniel was then 25. He stated that he assumed that he worked through the grief – and that so much time had passed that he didn’t feel as if he was still grieving the loss of his parents. However, the further Daniel explored his past it was clear that grief filtered throughout his entire lifespan.

Just to identify a few areas of grief, he said his father was an alcoholic and when he was intoxicated he was physically aggressive toward his mother. He stated that he, as a child, was never hurt, but struggled with the fact that he could never help his mother. Grief permeated Daniel’s years of development. He grieved his father’s behaviors and he lived in a state of constant fear of the unknown or the unexpected. He grieved the pain his mother experienced, emotionally and physically. He grieved that his environment and experience had to be secret. He grieved his total and complete helplessness; he couldn’t change his father and he couldn’t rescue his mother. The act of simply identifying the grief related to Daniel’s experiences as a child enabled him to begin the process of healing. It was going to take time but along with time came a deeper understanding, needed self-empathy and a stronger will to overcome generational curses that had been passed down through Daniel’s family line. This really is a story of healing. It also brings attention to unidentified grief. If grief is not identified it can cause trouble in many different areas, such as depression, anxiety and a variety of health issues. I encourage those who suspect they may have unidentified grief to seek help from a therapist or a pastor. Most importantly though, seek help from God, who tells us that he knows every individual hair on our head. 

Finding Safety

The Lord is truly working in our Homes for Families ministry! A young woman named Klavdia came to Homes for Families last month but left only a few days later. She was confused and emotionally tormented. The enemy was coming at her from all angles through the controlling and abusive relationship she had recently fled. She started to settle in at Homes for Families when she decided to leave. She was not gone very long before she realized that Homes for Families is where she needed to be even though the enemy was fighting for her to leave. Through many prayers, Godly counsel and unending support, she decided to return! Klavdia began to do her daily devotional and stayed in constant communication with her resident coordinator. She finally broke through the confusion and emotional torment she had been experiencing.

Since returning to Homes for Families she says she now feels safe. She discovered the things her abuser had used to hurt and shame her and started to move past them. She has also been able to find it in her heart to forgive her abuser as well as others who have hurt her in the past. She said, “Now I don’t have to worry about any of that in the past. I can focus on my Bible, the Lord and the future He has for me and my children!”

We are so thankful for the counselors, resident coordinators and other staff who provide endless support and open arms to mothers and their children. Please join us in praying for Klavdia and the other mothers and children on our Homes for Families campuses.

A Story of Hope

Every day STCH Ministries Family Counseling provides care when individuals, couples, and families need help sorting through the challenges of life. Recently a counseling client from Victoria shared her story of hope with us. Here it is in her own words.

Preparing to Serve

Monica and her husband Ken recently participated in our Faith & Work and Faith & Finances courses in Corpus Christi. They attended Faith & Work because they were looking for a ministry opportunity that could really help people to further the kingdom. Throughout the course, they were reminded, “God loves us and that through the Holy Spirit, He graciously has given us different gifts and skills that help us to do the work that He wants us to do.” Concepts of Vision Maps and Smart Goals were just a couple of the tools shared to help further their career goals and ministry visions. Monica and Ken are thankful for this course and are confident that God will continue to do the work in their lives that He promised when they gave their lives to Jesus.

During Faith & Finances, they learned the value of handling their money in a Godly way, realizing everything they have already belongs to Him. Monica shares, “We were reminded of some principles of saving, budgeting and spending that would help us to be free to be able to share more of our money with others, as God would have us do.” Instilling these principles into their finances allowed them to save money immediately and even share more financially with others.

Monica and Ken share that they were truly blessed by both of these classes and will use the skills they have learned to further their ministry. They are interested in giving back and even plan to be future facilitators for the Faith & Finances course in Corpus Christi! “I know He will use the skills that we learned to bless individuals and companies that take these courses,” Monica shared. We invite you, your family or your organization to participate in one of these courses.

Beyond Fishing – Making Disciples

“Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men,” Jesus challenged Peter and Andrew. Short years later, Jesus refined and extended His calling, “Go, and make disciples of all nations.”

The key component of Jesus’ command is GO! Into all the world doesn’t eliminate my neighbor or work associates, but it does include the world beyond. Making disciples is substantially more than, “Share the Gospel.” Succinctly stated by David Platt, “We are to share the word, show the Word, teach the Word, serve the World.”

Showing the Word requires relationship. International missional effectiveness requires more than “throwing-seed-out-and-hoping-it-grows.” Consistent, personal involvement, doing “life” together– sharing testimonies over a meal, mixing concrete, building a bed, sewing, sponsoring a child—activities that build relationships. WUBC and Crosspoint churches from Houston (now known as City Rise) have served in the Dominican Republic since 2013. One young lady brought piles of costly fabrics inherited from a beloved grandmother and three sewing machines. Building relationships as they shared interests, and met needs, Dominicans and Americans created garments and curtains. One machine was donated to the orphanage, and the other two machines were awarded to a Haitian mother and an older grandmother. “God sent you! He answered my prayers to help me provide for my family.”

The Guaricanos school ministers to children trapped in cycles of poverty, abuse, abandonment, and alcohol. Jesus and education are their only hope. Each day the team shared the Gospel and taught the Word through drama and songs at  VBS. The staff will visit the families and follow up with children who made decisions.

Small groups of 3-5 shared life with Dominican families at supper one evening. They served other destitute families with donations of food. They sponsored a special tea for young ladies with handcraft and a devotional.

At the medical clinics, patients received prayer and spiritual support, in addition to meeting their physical needs. Back at the IBQ site, others built benches, and helped build a home for a Samuel’s Fund sponsored family—serving Christ through hammering, sanding, digging, mixing cement, and carrying cinder blocks. Lives and entire families are changed through the work of mission teams, who return year after year to live out Christ’s call to “make disciples.”

“I was a falling-down drunk who could only provide a two-room shack with a shared neighborhood outhouse. My family accepted Christ through an evangelistic service. They kept telling me about their Jesus, but I ignored them. Our situation became desperate. Bags of sugar, flour, rice and beans made God’s love real. Soon their Jesus became MY Jesus.”

“My children accepted Christ through VBS and my wife followed. They were chosen for sponsorship. I saw the difference in their lives, and I reached out to Christ. We grew in our Christian walk through continued ministries–VBS, English camps, children’s activities and construction projects. They even rebuilt our house. People have seen the change in our lives, and they listen when I tell them about Jesus.”

WUBC-Crosspoint has shared the love of Christ and helped others to experience the life of Christ through teaching, showing and serving for many years. Not a one-and-done mission trip. International missional effectiveness requires a long-term commitment to the process of making disciples, empowering those disciples to reproduce God’s call in their own language to their own families and neighborhoods.

 
Blessing young women with tea, testimonies and handcrafts 

Bendiciones,

Joanna Berry
Joanna Berry
Vice President of Family and International Ministries
STCH Ministries

iCare 2022

On Tuesday, August 2nd, STCH Ministries Family Counseling hosted our 6th Annual iCare Conference. STCH Ministries Family Counseling created this conference as a way to reach people who help people. The attendees included teachers, counselors, pastors, church staff and others who work to impact the lives of others. Attendees received continuing education credits for the breakout sessions they attended but more than that, they heard from professionals about various topics that will help them grow in their field.

This year’s breakout sessions included Understanding Generation Z, Raising Highly Capable Kids, The Brain and Body on Stress: How Stress and Trauma Impacts Us and many othersThe last session of the day was taught by Cheryl Miller from Quantum Circles Consulting and Training. Cheryl shared about surviving the work of helping others and how to turn challenges into opportunities for the miraculous. Due to the heaviness of the topics, comedian Mike Goodwin brought humor to the lunch break and showed how there is healing through laughter and encouragement. 

STCH Ministries is thankful for all the individuals who made iCare a success, including the presenters for their time and effort in preparing for this event. Also, thank you to Parkway Church Victoria for allowing us to use their facilities for the day. For more information on STCH Ministries Family Counseling visit, https://www.stchm.org/family-counseling/.

Kingdom Impact

When it’s all said and done, at the end of our lives or at the end of a mission trip, what will remain?

For those who follow Christ, this thought accompanies our actions—an unvoiced whisper in our subconscious or a louder drumbeat in our hearts—perhaps alternating between both extremes. Possibly for mission team participants who make the effort to step out in faith, to fly our uncertain skies, to disembark into an unfamiliar country surrounded by loud, unintelligible voices–for those individuals, the answer to “What impact will my life make?  Is it worthy?” is crucial.

Calvert Grace from Maryland and Trinity Baptist from Kerrville, Texas made an unusual team—only God could have put them together seamlessly, united in heart and purpose. Combining talents allowed them tremendous versatility in ministries. Mornings were spent sewing curtains, training teachers, rebuilding a house and building beds for Samuel’s Fund children. In the afternoon they joined the IBQ church in developing the unevangelized area of La Ceiba with a VBS for younger children and a sports camp for the older ones, where several children gave their hearts and lives to Christ.

Early one morning they loaded a bus for the orphanage in Santiago—in some ways a heart-heavy experience, loving on children marked with severe abuse and tragedy. Although they receive food, clothing, medical, education and the knowledge of a loving Savior, they are raised without a personal family environment. It was encouraging to learn that the majority are now spending weekends, or longer with a Dominican family (known as missionary families) and some have been permanently placed in those families. Permanent couples would be ideal, and they are committed to search for these. With only a few hours to invest, what can a group do in Jesus’ name? The only answer, “Love.”  One team, many children, few hours. Yet, for those hours, children smiled and laughed. Children were heard—not as a group, but individually. You are loved. You are important. We trust the Spirit will continue to confirm and reaffirm their worth and value through more visits, and through others who invest on a consistent basis in these children.  And we trust that the team members will continue an earnest prayer ministry for these children and the Mercy Network Home. 

Family Time

Thank you for taking the time to connect with STCH Ministries through our Messenger! As you read through this issue, I hope that you are encouraged by what you read and challenged as to how you can become involved.

It has long been said, show me your friends and I will show you your future. While this “saying” has merit, I believe show me your family and I will show you your future is a more accurate statement. The role our family plays in who we are and who we become is vital. Unfortunately, in the United States, we are suffering a crisis of the family. A major relational issue we face is that of the father. I personally dedicated my thesis to the research and study on this topic. The role of the father in our families must not be overlooked.

One important part of my research pertained to shared quality time by fathers. Generally speaking, since the rise of the industrial revolution the need for men to work outside the home has grown significantly. What this meant for the family was that fathers were away more leading to disengagement. The number one way that I found fathers and sons connect was through shared quality time.

As summer rapidly approaches, I implore us all to make time for our families. The window of influence for our children is directly correlated to the amount of quality time we spend with them. It is also important to note that ideally, biological fathers would be the “father figure” involved. However, research shows that men that are in the fathering role can have a very similar level of influence or impact as compared to our biological fathers.

As a STCH Ministries family, we recently celebrated our Week of Hope and also our 70th anniversary. It was a great week of connecting with familiar friends and also meeting new ones. Our open house locations were in McAllen, Corpus Christi, Victoria, Houston, San Antonio and also on our three campus ministry locations which are our Boothe Campus, Marshall Campus and our Bluebonnet Campus. As I traveled to all these different locations, it was amazing to reflect on our humble beginnings and see where the Good Lord has brought us to today. I also had time to dream about what our next endeavors will be. While as an organization we celebrated our 70 years of ministry, I also celebrated my 10 years of service as President/CEO. How thankful I am to serve alongside such a great team of God-called people!

In closing, I want to implore us all to fight for our families. You may be reading this in the middle of a family struggle, maybe we can help. The stress and strain on families is greater now than ever in our history; we are here to help. Our families are the building blocks of society and the church is the hope of the world. Let’s all commit to investing all we have in our Faith and in our Families!

Answering the Call

At the age of 22, Wayne decided to make a life change by joining the military. He did not know then how this decision would ultimately impact the rest of his life or his family’s lives. Almost 25 years after enlisting, everything changed drastically, and moving forward seemed impossible. Through God’s healing power and aid from a STCH Ministries counselor, his and his family’s ability to face daily struggles grew in ways they never thought possible.

GROWING UP, WAYNE ENCOUNTERED many difficulties that led to substance abuse and not knowing what direction to go following high school. Around that time, he fell in love with Claira and knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Still not knowing what to do with his future and wanting to prove himself to Claira’s father, he enlisted in the United States Army. Wayne received his orders for a high clearance position. He would not be able to share with Claira his position or any details of his missions. Having to keep what he experienced to himself would lead to emotional and physical trauma in the future.

Wayne’s exposure to trauma started early in his military career. Being exposed to things that most humans cannot even imagine led him to building walls in his brain to hide his experiences. Claira would write to him sharing about her life at home, wishing he was there with her. Wayne traveled home and after being together for four and a half years, proposed to Claira. She said yes and they married the next year. Even after marrying, much of his work travel did not include Claira. She still believed that his work in the military involved nothing more than fueling trucks.

After a little more than ten years, Wayne left active duty but remained in the reserves for a few more years. When discharged, he received two different sets of discharge papers, one that explained what his true job was although most was redacted) and what his family and others thought his job was. During his time in the military, he endured multiple physical injuries as well as countless emotional scars. He kept the emotional trauma tucked in the back of his brain as he started a new job and tried to move forward with his family, including his two children.

Although he tried to move forward, his family experienced unexplained bursts of anger from Wayne and did not understand where it came from. Claira recounted, “his anger was so bad so many times through our marriage literally we were almost done so many times. I would say, ‘I can’t take it anymore. We’re done.’ He would get mad. I would get mad. He would pack up. I would pack up. I would say, ‘there is something wrong with you. You have to get help,’ but he didn’t know where to go.” His anger created a division in his family and their daughter ran away.

Shortly after their daughter ran away, Wayne and Claira started watching a television show that depicted military scenarios. During one of the episodes, the glass wall that Wayne built in his mind to hide his trauma came crashing down and flashbacks started flooding his brain. He started to share with Claira some of the experiences from his days in the military. A few months later, a sudden explosion of emotion combined with post-traumatic stress disorder and conversion disorder caused him to suffer a major stroke. While at the hospital, he also suffered sudden blindness, loss of speech and a seizure.

One of the doctors called Claira out of the room and shared with her that he believed Wayne was suffering from conversion disorder. He explained that the amount of mental anguish he was feeling was causing physical ailments to appear. He also explained that no cure existed, but going through counseling could help with the emotional and mental aspects relieving some of the physical ailments. After being discharged the family faced many difficult situations in a short period of time that allowed them to realize that anytime Wayne became extremely sad or mad or extremely happy, it caused him to suffer a seizure.

The family knew that he needed help and he started seeing psychiatrists, psychologists and counselors. Finding one that would truly listen to him and believe his stories proved difficult. One day Claira ran into a friend who worked for STCH Ministries. He shared with her about Family Counseling and told her to try it. Ten days later, Claira brought Wayne in for his first session. Early on his STCH Ministries counselor saw the level of emotional trauma. She saw him disassociate and heard about his post-traumatic stress disorder and conversion disorder. She listened and walked hand and hand with both Claira and Wayne. Their daughter also attended counseling and the family began to heal.

Wayne tried counseling before, but no one seemed to listen to him or understand him the way STCH Ministries did. Wayne shared, “STCH Ministries counseling has allowed me to talk about it in a sense that it’s okay to talk about it, instead of holding it in, putting it in the back of my mind, locking it up and throwing away the key.” The ability to open up and try different methods of counseling allowed for Wayne to start learning how to cope with his disability.

Due to his seizures, Wayne stopped working and the family dealt with financial stress. Not knowing how to move forward, they sought help from the United States Department of Veterans Affairs and the Social Security Administration. Both agencies struggled to provide assistance because the discharge papers they received did not show Wayne’s actual job so the level of trauma was unexplainable. Also, at the time, conversion disorder was a new diagnosis and the Social Security Administration needed more proof of his emotional distress. The couple sought help from a lawyer and a judge took their case. The judge provided paperwork for a counselor or doctor to fill out stating they had witnessed the level of emotional distress Wayne suffered.

Wayne and Claira approached their STCH Ministries’ counselor, who already helped change their lives and start the healing process, to see if she would help them through this as well. The counselor jumped at the opportunity to write a letter detailing the work Wayne had done in his sessions, including the day he showed up to a counseling session and was disassociating along with his other mental health disorders. This letter, along with a psychiatric hospitalization, led to the Social Security Administration finally recognizing that Wayne suffers from a severe mental health disorder that prevents him from working which allows him to collect full disability.

The future still contains uphill battles for Wayne and Claira. Currently, they are working to find a way for Claira to stay home and be a full-time caregiver for Wayne. Through this process, Wayne learned that his body cannot handle emotional highs or lows. He works to keep an even demeanor and avoids situations that cause either. He started writing a blog to help other veterans dealing with similar situations. He is learning to play piano as an artistic outlet. He continues to see his STCH Ministries counselor and both thank her deeply for all she helped them accomplish. Wayne’s STCH Ministries counselor shared, “Wayne went beyond the call for his country and gave up more than people can ever fathom by his service. It was a complete honor to answer my call to help him and his family.”

The Cumulative Lasting Impact One Year Made

91 children. On average, 91 children* find themselves at Homes for Children on STCH Ministries Boothe Campus each year. Many come for a variety of reasons – a parent or grandparent can no longer care for them due to personal issues, health problems, severe depression, substance abuse or experiencing a season of crisis. No matter the reason, every child is welcomed with open arms.

IN 1988, THREE SIBLINGS found themselves reunited at STCH Ministries Homes for Children after being previously separated in foster care. Shaunna, Crystal and Robert were in grade school when their parents, struggling with alcohol and drug addictions, separated and the state intervened taking the children away. Their mom desired nothing more than for her kids to stay together when she entered rehab and pleaded with the state to make that happen. Her requests were answered and once her three children were placed at Homes for Children they would remain together for the duration of their time there.

Mr. and Mrs. Minter became the family’s houseparents. While living in a cottage with The Minters, the siblings were able to experience a consistent, loving and strong family dynamic. Shaunna, Crystal and Robert were enrolled in the Pettus school system and attended a local church with The Minters. “Our time there was 100% happy memories. We loved the Minters and felt safe,” Crystal recalls. The siblings had previously experienced a negative placement situation. The oldest, Shaunna, who was 11 at the time shared, “The Minters made us feel comfortable and not like we weren’t their children. I felt comfortable and secure for the first time in my life.”

For the duration of their time at Homes for Children with The Minters, Shaunna, Crystal and Robert continued to feel loved, nurtured and invested in. Whether it was attending chapel together on campus each Wednesday night and feeling comfortable enough to go up on stage and sing with the other children or going into town with The Minters on a Walmart run. “We had chores and we had our own savings jar and we would put our money in there and Mrs. Minters would take us to Walmart and we would spend it,” Shaunna reminisced. The family had food in the pantry, clothes, a daily routine, church involvement and love from their houseparents. This consistency and normalcy were key for the siblings.

Even at the young ages of 11, 9 and 4, the siblings were strongly impacted by the true, genuine love of Christ shared by the daily actions of their houseparents and every other adult on campus. Shaunna, Crystal and Robert, like all the other children that journey through Homes for Children, were also given guidance by an onsite counselor and support from an onsite caseworker. The siblings experienced a well-rounded, Christ-centered support system while at Homes for Children, something they did not have before. “We had structure and church and it was wonderful… we did not want to leave,” Crystal shared as she reflected on her time at Homes for Children.

STCH Ministries Homes for Children ultimately seeks to restore relationships and return children to their families when possible. That was the case for the siblings. While sad to leave after only a year at Homes for Children, their mom was able to take them back. The siblings struggled with having to leave especially since they knew they were going different ways. Shaunna moved with their aunt, Crystal stayed with their mother and Robert moved in with their dad. Their year at Homes for Children helped prepare their hearts for the future. As years went on and the siblings continued to grow, they would see the fruit of the seeds sown into them during that very impactful year.

Shaunna, now 44, has been married for 21 years. They have three boys and they own their own electrical company. Shaunna also owns a med spa/salon in Rockport, TX. “Having that healthy, family dynamic allowed me to know that that was the kind of life I wanted to live,” Shaunna admits. She credits the life she is able to live now and the way she parents to what she witnessed and experienced at Homes for Children.

Crystal is now 42 and a family nurse practitioner at an OB/GYN clinic. Her daughter, who just turned 14, recently beat cancer. She was diagnosed in July 2021 with Osteosarcoma and went through chemo at MD Anderson from August 2021 – April 2022. Numerous doctor visits and treatments for her daughter reminded Crystal of what Homes for Children taught her upon leaving. “We were going to be present,” she shared. In the good and the bad, Crystal and her husband have been able to now be that healthy, structured family unit her daughter needs.

The youngest, Robert, is now 38 and has a daughter who is 7. He also owns an electrical company in Rockport. While recently thinking back on their times together at Homes for Children, Robert admitted he still remembers the chapel songs despite being so young during his time there.

The siblings hope to revisit the campus soon to show their children where they once lived and reminisce on all the impactful, life-changing memories made there. “We are hoping to meet up with Mrs. Minter soon,” Crystal shared, as they recently reconnected with her via Facebook, Mr. Minter passed away a few years back.

All of the positive experiences Shaunna, Crystal and Robert were able to have, over 30 years ago, while at Homes for Children left such a cumulative impact on this family unit. The siblings remain close to this day and have a fully restored relationship with their mother. “Our mom is doing amazing,” Crystal happily shared. This renewed relationship with their mom has also blessed their children who are able to enjoy times with their grandmother. It is evident how that year’s influence continues to spill over onto each sibling’s individual, growing family.

While it is often seen how Homes for Children changes children’s lives while they are on campus, it is beautiful to hear how the trajectory of these siblings’ lives were changed upon leaving Boothe Campus. The great harvest of individual growth, success in business and determination to break generational pain began with the seeds planted by their houseparents and everyone else they encountered at Homes for Children.

If you or someone you know would like to learn more about STCH Ministries Home for Children or if you would like to give to help fund this wonderful ministry, please visit www.STCHM.org/care.